Dating is not easy.
It’s not for the faint of heart.
It’s not for the weak of faith.
You have to love yourself, know your worth, and be ready
to defend it if/when you are challenged.
I grew up in a time when dating was easier. You met.
You clicked. They CALLED and
asked you out for a date. You got dressed up and went out and took the time
to get to know each other. With online
dating and a new app popping up every day; it seems people feel they know you
just because they liked what you wrote in your bio or the pictures you
shared. They are quick to assume that
you can fast forward through the getting to know you phase and go right into
the “getting to REALLY know you”
phase; if you know what I mean. I refuse
to believe that this will be our new normal because of social media and
technology. You cannot take the human
out of human connection.
I recently went out with a guy I met online. We exchanged messages for less than a day and
met up the next night for our date. It
had all the makings of a promising date.
Nice guy, good conversation, nice atmosphere. We talked about a range of topics and also
delved into what we are looking for in a relationship. We talked about how important it is to take
the time to get to know each other before rushing intimacy or commitment. At the end, I agreed to a second date. We met for the second date a few days
later. I think it’s important to note that
in between the dates; we texted sporadically but never spoke on the phone to
continue to get to know each other. Our second
date was mid-week, which meant it was a bit more casual because we were both
heading home after a long day at the office.
The conversation flowed but not as smoothly as on the first date. We weren’t really connecting on that “date”
level. As he walked me to my car, he
instantly suggested going back to his place.
I was completely put off. Were we
on the same date? We don’t know each
other, having spent a total of maybe 3 hours since meeting a few days
prior. Why would he even think that
would be a possibly? I politely declined
the advance and we continued our walk to my car. He again made the suggestion and I reminded
him more directly of my previous answer which was NO. We parted ways and at this point, I knew we would
not be seeing each other again.
I share this tale because we often find ourselves in
situations where we have to make a choice.
Do we remain true to ourselves and our values or do we sacrifice what we
hold dear because someone is trying to make us feel a certain way about our position? People can often try to pressure us into a
situation we are not comfortable with by verbally painting a facade of their
true intentions. His reasoning for
wanting me to go back to his place was that he wanted to spend more time with me. Flattering?
Absolutely. However, if he really
wanted to spend more time with me – we could have gone somewhere else for a
part 2 of the date (bowling, shooting pool, listen to music somewhere). His true intention was not to spend more time
with me in the same way as I would expect after 2 dates. Thanks to birth of “Netflix and Chill” we don’t
have to wonder about the intentions behind these types of invitations.
In relationships – I live by the rule of say what you
mean and mean what you say. If you have
both agreed that you want to take things slow and get to know each other; then this
is exactly how it will go because you are on the same page. If someone wants you to be “their girl” they
will do everything in their power to make sure you are. If someone tells you they love you then you
will feel loved every day by that person.
You have to know your worth and what you expect from your relationships
before actually getting into them. Know
the intentions behind the words you say.
Set your boundaries and be clear about them so that if someone is not
treating you in a manner that you are comfortable with – the choice to walk
away from the situation is easy.
Remember, you are a unique. There is no one else like you. You deserve to be in a happy, healthy, loving
relationship with someone who values you for all the qualities you
possess. YOU decide how you will allow
yourself to be treated. Know your
worth. Live your truth. Love the person you are because you’ve fought
like hell to become you.
