I’m sorry that I have been a bit M.I.A. lately. I was dealing with a personal tragedy with
the passing of my amazing grandpa. It
got me thinking about grief and the many different ways we deal with it. I promise to get back to my lighthearted and
thought provoking blogs that many of you have come to love. However, since I do focus on personal growth
and change in my blogs, I felt I would be remiss if I didn’t take a moment to
discuss grief and my thoughts on how to work through it. This is a topic that many shy away from
because it’s so personal. There’s no
textbook way of dealing with grief.
Everyone feels things differently.
I’ve been through many things in life and can only share what I have
learned from my experiences in hopes of helping even just one person.
My grandpa was a shining light in this world. Anyone who met him automatically loved
him. He just had this indescribable
thing. He had a zest for life and
charisma to boot. When he got sick, I experienced
many moments of sadness/helplessness because I knew that life with him would be
very different and that life without him was coming sooner than I was ready to
accept. Facing mortality head on really
does put things into perspective. I
watched him come to grips with what was coming.
He did it with love, laughter, and till his very last breath; a passion
for life.
The emotional roller coaster has been quite the trip and I am
reminded of why I don’t like roller coasters.
My nature is to be happy, upbeat, and optimistic. Sadness, negativity, and dread do not sit
well with me. I can’t even begin to tell
you how many times I apologized to my friends for being a “negative Nelly” or a
“Debbie downer”. They continuously
reminded me that I was allowed to feel these emotions and that I am in no way a
burden or being negative. In those
moments, I felt like I needed permission to allow myself to break down and feel
these deep difficult emotions. I am not
sure why I felt I needed permission to feel it but I am glad that I ultimately allowed
myself to experience them.
When people around me are having a tough time, I often tell
them “It’s OK to have a tough time or a bad day; just don’t live there.” Well now that I’m the one going through it…I
have to follow my own advice. Some days
this has proven difficult. I go through
these moments of pure joy and laughter; where things feel “normal” and then it
hits you like a ton of bricks – (cue the water works).
When you are grieving - you are going to get sad, you’re
going to get angry, and you’re going to feel a sense of relief. I am relieved to know that he is no longer
suffering. Towards the end, he was not
living his life as fully as he had before.
I would think to myself how cruel it was. Knowing that he is now at peace has allowed
me to be at peace with what has happened.
I carry the many beautiful memories we made with me every day.
It’s important to channel your energy into positive
ways. Remembering our loved ones fondly
and taking the best parts of them by incorporating them into our day to day
lives. Put into action the behaviors we
hold most dear. For me, as you may have
guessed…my outlet is writing. Find
something that brings you joy and then just go out and do it. I know he is watching over me and my
family. I hope that I continue to live
my life with the passion, conviction, and fire with which my grandfather lived
his.
