After taking a slightly longer dating sabbatical than expected; I have officially jumped back into the dating pool; though I think someone forgot to clean it and fill it with fresh water for the season. Ouch!
I’ve decided to give the dating app a try again. What I’ve noticed is not much has changed. Many of the same faces and I mean literally the same faces. They have not even updated their photos from a year ago. Not only are the photos the same but so is all the content of their profiles. Are you honestly expecting me the reader to believe that in a year- you have not changed even a little? Come on people; put in some effort.
Whenever you’re getting back onto the dating scene, I feel it’s important to be open. Leave judgment at the door and allow people to show you who they are and what their intentions may be. Chat with a guy/girl that isn’t 100% your type because you never know…they might surprise you. Being open doesn’t mean being naive. It’s important to pay attention to what people are saying and what they aren’t. Let’s look at this further.
I began chatting with a guy – let’s call him Rig. He said he works on an oil rig so the name fits. His emails are full of flourishing descriptions of himself, the type of woman he’s looking for, likes/dislikes. As we communicate back and forth, I ask some follow up questions based on the answers he has already given to really get an open dialog going and to get to know each other. The door is wide open for him to do the same on things I have shared about myself – yet he doesn’t engage. He continues to further express the “type of man he is” in broad strokes in hopes that I won’t notice that he has not answered any of my questions. He gives very surface compliments about me like “you’re such a strong woman or based on what he’s looking for I could be HER”.
Tip – if you’re going to tell me the name of the company and city/state it’s in – please don’t be surprised if I use this cool little online tool called Google to look it up to learn more. It’s not me being untrusting. It’s me being curious.
After a couple days of this, my gut started to tell me - “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark” (Shakespeare always knows just what to say). I decided to ask more specific questions about his emails and lack of “real” communication without all the “I like walks in the park, listening to the sound of rain, cuddling up with someone” nonsense. Guess what? Radio silence. Am I surprised? Nope. Am I disappointed? Not at all.
You have to trust your gut. My instincts were telling me that this guy was saying all the right things but really wasn’t saying anything at all. By not saying anything – he said EVERYTHING that I would want to know about him. Read that back a couple times and it will make sense – I promise.
People can be anyone they want to be when they are online. Face to face it’s a little harder (not impossible) to pull off. When you are you chatting, texting, or hanging out don’t forget that they are showing you who they are just as you are showing them who you are. If they are not actively trying to get to know you better and engaging in real conversation – it’s OK to speak up. Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in their bouquets of bullshit.
While many people hate the stress that goes along with dating…I enjoy it. It allows me the opportunity to share stories with you and to hopefully make you laugh, make you think, and maybe…just maybe give you a different perspective on how you might view something/someone. Happy Reading and Happy dating my friends!
