I’ve officially joined the online dating world. You’ve read along as I wrote about it through
my past experiences and the countless tales from my very brave friends. Well now, prepare to get the good, bad, and
downright ugly tales of dating in today’s day and age. I opted to join Match as I generally met a
different caliber person than on Plenty of Fish or some of the other
sites. Plus you really just can’t get
away from the commercials of the guy talking to random people on the street
about all these amazing people on Match.
Sucked in by advertising…but where are these so called amazing people
you speak of?
When did online dating turn into Facebook or
Instagram? People just randomly view
your pictures and like or comment on them but then they don’t actually take the
next step which would be to communicate with you on a personal level. Isn’t the point of this whole thing to actually
meet someone? Or someone winks at you
and then nothing more. Winking on Match
is like poking someone on Facebook. You’ve
dipped your toes into the water…now jump in!
I want to preface this by saying that I truly understand
how difficult it is to email a complete stranger based on a bunch of sentences
they wrote on their profile. There’s no
need to go crazy with the opener. I had
one guy tell me “Your eyes are full of language”. Honestly, I don’t think even he knows what
that means. Maybe start off simple…Say “Hi. My name is ________. From your profile it seems like we have some
things in common”. Then share some of
the things they wrote that drew you in. You’d
be amazed how far a nice and simple introduction will go.
Now you’ve made contact.
Next, you wait. There’s never a
guarantee that you’re going to hear back.
Remember this is a two way street.
There have been men that I have messaged and never heard back from. It’s OK.
I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and they are not all my glass of
wine. There’s no need to send reply
after reply. If someone is interested…wild
horses couldn’t keep them away from replying.
A guy had sent me a message that simply said Hi. 10 minutes later…HELLO. 5 minutes later…UM HELLO??? This is not the best way to make a first
impression. I was not interested in him
however this behavior made him less attractive.
I did have a nice exchange with a guy for about a
week. He was funny and seemed to have a
nice personality. We had things in
common though he was a fan of the wrong sports teams. They can’t all be perfect. As our conversations progressed during the
week, I became a bit suspicious of his intentions as he was being overly
flirtatious. Some women enjoy this type
of banter. For me – that’s a flag. Yes, we’ve been talking and texting but at
the end of the day – we DO NOT know each other.
It seems premature to get so personal before meeting. There are people who use sites like Match for
a hook up. It’s important that the
person you are speaking with has a clear understanding of where you stand on
this position and on any position that is important to you. We all have different boundaries when it
comes to online dating. This does sometimes
make it difficult for the other person to know the “rule book” but when it
comes to dating there is no manual. We
write our own rules.
I decided to continue speaking with him but would make
sure to check him on his antics if he crossed a line. He would quickly apologize and would stop
that behavior at least for the short term.
I agreed to meet him because you never know. People can often be one way via text and be
completely different in person. It’s
very easy to be bolder when you have a computer or phone protecting you. We met somewhere casual. Thought it would be a great way for us to get
to know each other better. Conversation
was flowing just as easily as it had on the phone and text. I was pleasantly surprised until after
describing his career in detail he said, “Well, that’s about it when it comes
to my mediocre life”. While it was a
very honest answer on his part…I felt bad for him in that moment. Things in life are rarely perfect but mediocre is such a strong word to
describe one’s entire life. I’d say that
if you are not content with the life you have – then take the bull by the horns
and change it. This is not the life that
one lives when they are looking to find someone to share it with. Who wants to share in a mediocre life? I know I don’t. So we continued on the now misadventure of our
first and now only date. While I tried to
get the conversation back on a positive direction…it just continued on a
downward negative spiral. It became
abundantly clear that our intentions for meeting one another were not the
same. Check please!
So now back to the drawing board or in this case – Match boards. This was my first date in quite a while so I
was happy to get in some practice. Though
I am sure it is more fun when it goes well.
Stay tuned for the adventures and misadventures. My tip for anyone trying the online dating
route…be mentally and emotionally ready for things to go well and be even more
ready for things to go wrong. Until you
really get to know someone; don’t get overly invested in the things they
say/do. People will always show you who
they are.
