Monday, May 9, 2016

There’s nothing wrong with me…I’m just “SINGLE”



Where did it all go wrong?  The most horrible thing happened.  It feels like I blinked, and all of a sudden, I’m getting older and OMG…I’m Still Single.  Did anyone else just have a panic attack?  In the past these feelings would have kept me up at night and had me stressing out about my future, my unborn children, and my seemingly incomplete life.  One day that all changed.  I realized that my life is not empty because I am single.  My life is full because I choose to not be defined by a relationship or lack thereof.  I travel, socialize; go to movies, concerts, theater etc.  Does that sound like someone who has an incomplete life?  I don’t think so.

They always say – don’t ask a question if you don’t really want the answer.  Well when friends in relationships or friends who are married ask “So, are seeing you anyone?” I don’t think they really want the answer.  Because when I respond that I am not seeing anyone, I see the sad look on their faces.  Why?  I didn’t cry about the fact that I am single…I simply answered the question.  It is usually followed up with “Don’t worry, it’ll happen when you least expect it to.” or my favorite – “Don’t give up hope…he’s out there.” speech.  I am sure they simply want me to be happy and feel a relationship would do the trick.  One of the things I have learned from being single is that happiness comes from the inside. 
One of the best gifts I gave myself was taking the time to put myself first.  And I can honestly say that now I am happy.

I’ve been in relationships in the past where I lost myself.  I am sure you can relate.  You become a “WE” and you forget about “ME”.  One of the many things I decided through this journey of finding myself was that before I even thought about becoming someone’s “WE” again – I would be sure that I truly knew “ME”.  I’m at that place in my life now…finally after nearly a 4 year hiatus from a serious relationship.  I’ve dated here and there but didn’t delve into anything serious.  I’ve always been the perpetual monogamist.  I never found joy in dating lots of people at the same time.  It’s too hard to remember the names and there are only so many nicknames to use. 

I find myself here – Dating in 2016.  Wow, things have changed.  There are far too many sites and apps to choose from.  Each one is promising better quality, more selection, and more relationships & marriages than the rest.  They are offering specials and sales to join.  Am I the only one that feels like we’re shopping for fabrics or something?  I thought we were trying to meet someone.  No one has to go out socially because if you want to meet someone new…just swipe right or left on your smart phone. 

Really?  Is this what we have to look forward to?  A generation of relationships based on a bio and selfies randomly completed in a hot second.  Upside…if the date’s not going well – just look at your phone as if you just had a family emergency and you can find someone else that’s nearby and end this date early.  There is an endless stream of random people available.  But when looking for “The One” is random what you really want?

We all have that checklist.  He must be this…she must be that.  Take that checklist and throw it away.  You know your deal beakers.  Everything else is negotiable.  Be honest.  If you met the most amazing person would you really not date them because they were a little shorter or a little heavier than you “normally” date?  If you sit back and give people a chance – they will always show you who they are.  So be open to the possibility.  You never know the amazing adventure it can take you on.  And if the adventure proves to be a bit rocky; what an amazing story you’ll have to share.


Being single isn’t a disease.  There’s nothing wrong with you.  You just haven’t met the one who gives you a reason not to be.  And it’s OK to stay single and ready to mingle until you do meet that person.

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