Has The Art of Dating Died?

Dating sure has changed a lot over the years.  I remember dating in the late 90’s early 00’s and being nervous about if I was going to be dressed properly for the restaurant he was taking me to.  Often doing a drive-by to see how others were dressed because pre-internet you couldn’t just look up a place to get an idea of what it was like.  We were often introduced by friends, met at a bar/club, or at a party so there was a familiarity established prior to the actual date.  We’d exchange numbers “on paper” and then anxiously wait to see who was going to call first and were they going to wait the “2-3 day rule”.  Of course you didn’t want to seem too anxious but secretly we were so excited when that person actually called.

Dating now…can it even be called dating?  Our lives have become saturated with dating sites and dating apps.  Every day there is some new digital way of meeting someone.  These days…the messages are short, not always sweet, and often have sexual undertones.  People are building these imaginary relationships with someone they haven’t met, know nothing about, and are basing their feelings on the words the other person is typing or texting.  People can be anyone they want to be through the safety of their computer/phone.  You will never truly get to know someone until you meet.  Even then it takes time and you can still be wrong about them.

People don’t seem to date anymore.  They meet for coffee or grab a drink.  Are we so afraid to actually sit across from someone to share a meal and get to know one another or go see a movie and then get a quick bite and talk?  If the date isn’t going well- don’t get dessert, tell them it was nice to meet them and call your friends to meet up for a night out.  These days, you “meet” someone online.  They are telling you everything you’ve always wanted to hear and you get all excited about who this person is.  You spend 3 weeks in bliss where every time they text/email (because why would they pick up the phone to actually call you) your heart skips a beat.  Then you meet, and BAM there’s the let down.  They are not even close to the person they pretended to be to be for weeks.  You think to yourself – WHO IS THIS PERSON because in your head you’ve already created a potential future with them; in reality you don’t know them and they don’t know you.  But don’t worry, if you swipe left or right there is someone new for you to get excited about who is going to be even better than the last person.

The sites and apps today are not even for dating anymore.  Everyone has become desensitized to how to have a real conversation, the do’s and don’ts of dating and overall respect for themselves and the person they are trying to get to know.  In the real world, would you walk up to someone at a bar and whip out your private parts and say “Hi, nice to meet you.”?  I THINK NOT.  Why would you think that’s ok to do to someone you just emailed/texted for the first time?  It’s the same thing.  The first communication with someone you meet online is your first chance to make a good impression…why would you want to ruin it by doing something like that? 

People are so attached to their phones that even when you are finally on a date with them – they are constantly checking to see if there is something better going on out there.  How do you expect to have a conversation and truly get to know someone when you cannot even make eye contact? 

Let’s bring back the art of dating.  This goes out to the ladies & guys…Get out there.  Be brave and approach someone when you’re out.  Make conversation.  Be bold and exchange numbers.  Pick up the phone and call to ask them out for a date.  Make a plan.  You don’t need to break the bank for a 1^st date but you should put forth some kind of effort and have a couple different ideas – especially if you don’t know each other well.  No one wants to be involved in the “what do you want to do…I don’t know what do you want to do” vicious cycle.  Put your phone away on the date and focus on getting to know the person.  If it’s going well - make sure to lock in that 2^nd date.  You never know where it could lead.