So What's Next?

You’ve taken the very important first step and forgiven yourself.  Does this mean all’s well and you can just go about on your merry way?  Sorry, but no…this is when the real work begins.  Forgiving yourself was a big part of preparing yourself for the next phase:  SELF DISCOVERY.

You may remember the little nursery rhyme from when we were kids:

What are little boys made of?
Frogs and snails, and puppy dogs tails,
That’s what little boys are made of.

What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice and all things nice,
That’s what little girls are made of.

Makes me think – what are men and women made of? 

Who are you going to be now that you’ve decided to change?

When you let go of the hurt and let go of the pain you have been carrying you become ready to embark on a new journey.  It doesn’t mean that you are suddenly a brand new person but it does mean you are going to be different.  As I’ve said before – we are who we are because of what we have been through.  But when we let go of the things that held us back…we do become different.

So, who are you now?  Take the time to think about this question.  Reflect on the things that held you back.  Now ask yourself, “Why, did I allow these things to get in my way?”  It’s important to get to the root of it so you understand the “WHY”.  This will allow you to see how to prevent those same obstacles from getting in your way.  Understanding the why will help to break the cycle.  When you see those obstacles again, it will trigger you to give a different response or no response.  When you truly let go of things/people that hurt you; you take away their power over you.  Sometimes no response is in fact the best response.

Discover who you are becoming.

Make a list of the things you’d like to achieve.  Separate them into categories of short term and long term.  Be specific so it’s easy to hold yourself accountable.  For the short term list, focus on things that you’d like to put into effect within the next 6 months.  It could be anything: working out (put a number on it so you hold yourself accountable), being more positive, or taking a vacation, and even getting a new hobby.  For the long term list, focus on things that you’d like to do after 6 months or longer.  For example; purchase a home, be in a happy & healthy relationship with a partner, or even run a 1/2 marathon.  These lists should be ongoing.  When you complete something put a check mark next to it.  You may find that you are adding or deleting things from the lists often.  As you discover more about yourself, you will find that your interests are also changing.

I think about Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts.  Yes it’s a chick flick but it has a good message if you pay attention to it.  Here she is; turning herself inside out to fit perfectly with whomever she is engaged to but can never really commit because she isn’t being true to herself.  If they like eggs benedict then she likes eggs benedict.  If they are into football then she’s into football.  The list goes on and on.  Until finally, she meets Richard Gere who forces her to look within herself and discover what it is she really likes.  As soon as she realizes who she is authentically – everything else falls into place.  You don’t need to wait for Richard Gere to show up and make you think.  Be this person for yourself!  Don’t be afraid to question things you’ve done for years.  It’s OK.  No one is perfect but we are changing and as long as you continue to move forward…you are going in the right direction.