The Repeat Offender

We all have that person who has always been able to get to us.  We're together.  We're broken up.  We've moved on...oh wait, we're back together again.  Anyone relate?  They are the ones who made us the happiest.  Unfortunately they are also the ones who made us the most miserable.  Yet, we always say, "I don't know - there's just something about them".  "They're different".

The Repeat Offender's timing has always been impeccable.  We've walked away, done an emotional reboot and feel ready to get back out there.  Sometimes we've already moved on and are in a new relationship.  They surface when we are at our strongest (or so we think).  They come back with their grand gestures and declarations. Promising of course that "this time will be different".  Sound familiar?

We cannot believe how sure they seem that we almost can't stop ourselves from jumping right back into it.  Heart open and having blind faith.  The repeat offender is good...they are really good at getting what they want.  Unfortunately, as history has taught us - the only one who is left disappointed is us.  Who do we have to blame?  Look in the mirror...it's ourselves.
They are just doing what they've always done so we can't blame them.  We're the ones that keep allowing this person to come back into our lives knowing full well who they are.  This is not to say that people can't change...because they can.  This is just a quick look to say, "Hey, maybe after the 4th or 5th time of letting this person back into our lives, it's time to leave them where they belong...in the past." 

Why do we let this happen?
I wish I had a definitive answer but I think my best guess would be that we want to believe that people can change and are genuinely good.  We want to believe that all the time we invested into the relationship was not in vain.  That all the things we shared were real.  We don't want to believe that we got duped by someone who really never had any intentions of following through on all the things they promised.

At what point have we had enough?  
(Insert Donna Summers/Barbra Streisand - Enough is Enough) 

I'd say we've had enough when we realize that:

• We deserve better.
• Their repeat offending no longer has the desired effect.
• Their behavior has nothing to do with us.  
• We accept that they are going to be who they are and can make the choice to no longer have them in our lives.
• We can't make someone change - THEY have to want to change.
• We were more invested in who we've wanted them to be be and didn't take the time to truly see who they are.

Repeat offenders do not give up easy...they like the control.  Their egos get bruised when they realize they cannot get to you anymore and may change up their tactics.  Just remember that true love is not about ego.  It's about finding that person where it just works.  You don't want to spend your entire relationship wondering when it's going to end again.

No one likes to be wrong.  Don't think of the time spent with the repeat offender as time wasted.  Think of it as learning the type of person you'd like to have in your life and how to let go of those you don't.  When you take back your power and realize that you can control who you allow into your life...you'll be unstoppable.