Should I Stay or Should I Go?

We have all found ourselves in situations where we wonder “Should I stay or should I go?”.  Making the decision is the hardest part.  I don’t know anyone who wants to fail.  Sometimes giving up on something / someone you have invested so much time into can feel like you’ve failed.  The reality is – failing is staying in a situation that doesn’t bring you joy and doing nothing about it.  Happiness is a choice.  If someone is not enhancing your life by being a part of it; why would you stay?

In the past, I have definitely held on too tightly in relationships with people who could let go of me so easily.  I was a fixer so I tried to fix every wounded bird I found.  The problem with healing these wounded birds was that when they were all better – they flew away.  Many of them went on to find happiness with someone new.  I would be left thinking – why couldn’t they find happiness with me?  I did everything I could to make them happy but they walked away.  Read the previous sentence again.  Where in that statement were they doing anything to make me happy?  It was all about the things I did for them.  My needs weren’t even a part the equation.  Frankly, I wasn't a part of the equation.  

Let me tell you, coming to that realization felt like a punch to the gut.  Conversely, it was just the kick in the pants I needed to get to where I am now.  Taking a break from relationships allowed me the time to take a deeper look at what was important to me.  What I need, what I don’t need, and what I absolutely will not allow in any of my relationships are just some of the key things I focused on figuring out. 

Walking away is not easy.  Often times, we need to walk away from a situation to gain clarity into what we truly want.  Sometimes it leads us back to the same person with a fresh perspective.  You know the old saying - "Absence makes the heart grow fonder".  Sometimes it leads us on a brand new path that is completely unexpected.  Either way – we will find ourselves in a different place emotionally and that's what this journey is all about.

Sometimes we stay because we care too much to go.  Sometimes we stay because having what we have is better than not having anything at all.  Many times we become defined by the relationship so much so that we don’t know who we would be if we weren’t a “WE”.  This thought gets magnified the longer you’ve been a “WE”.  It is important to remember that you as an individual are just as important as you are as part of a “WE”.  You have value.  You bring a lot to any table.  Do not allow yourself to become so defined by your relationship status that if your status changes; you feel lost.

It is natural to mourn the change in status.  I promise not to sit here and tell you how long you are supposed to grieve the ending.  There is no formula.  To all the people that claim that you should grieve for ½ the length of the relationship – you cannot put a time limit on anyone’s grief.  People have to go through the phases as they see fit and not what society dictates as the norm.  I can tell you that you will have days where you feel invincible.  You will have days where it is a chore to even leave the house.  Surround yourself with positive people who can support you during both. *Note – they may not be the same people.

If you find yourself at a crossroad in your relationship, all I ask is that you make a decision and not allow yourself to live in a holding pattern out of fear or pity.  Don’t be afraid to make a hard choice which could help you get closer to finding your joy.  You deserve to be in a happy, healthy and satisfying relationship.  Go out and find it.