Know Your Worth - No Discounts

Dating is not easy.  It’s not for the faint of heart.  It’s not for the weak of faith.  You have to love yourself, know your worth, and be ready to defend it if/when you are challenged.  I grew up in a time when dating was easier.  You met.  You clicked.  They CALLED and asked you out for a date.  You  got dressed up and went out and took the time to get to know each other.  With online dating and a new app popping up every day; it seems people feel they know you just because they liked what you wrote in your bio or the pictures you shared.  They are quick to assume that you can fast forward through the getting to know you phase and go right into the “getting to REALLY know you” phase; if you know what I mean.  I refuse to believe that this will be our new normal because of social media and technology.  You cannot take the human out of human connection.

I recently went out with a guy I met online.  We exchanged messages for less than a day and met up the next night for our date.  It had all the makings of a promising date.  Nice guy, good conversation, nice atmosphere.  We talked about a range of topics and also delved into what we are looking for in a relationship.  We talked about how important it is to take the time to get to know each other before rushing intimacy or commitment.   At the end, I agreed to a second date.  We met for the second date a few days later.  I think it’s important to note that in between the dates; we texted sporadically but never spoke on the phone to continue to get to know each other.  Our second date was mid-week, which meant it was a bit more casual because we were both heading home after a long day at the office.  The conversation flowed but not as smoothly as on the first date.  We weren’t really connecting on that “date” level.  As he walked me to my car, he instantly suggested going back to his place.  I was completely put off.  Were we on the same date?  We don’t know each other, having spent a total of maybe 3 hours since meeting a few days prior.  Why would he even think that would be a possibly?  I politely declined the advance and we continued our walk to my car.  He again made the suggestion and I reminded him more directly of my previous answer which was NO.  We parted ways and at this point, I knew we would not be seeing each other again.

I share this tale because we often find ourselves in situations where we have to make a choice.  Do we remain true to ourselves and our values or do we sacrifice what we hold dear because someone is trying to make us feel a certain way about our position?  People can often try to pressure us into a situation we are not comfortable with by verbally painting a facade of their true intentions.  His reasoning for wanting me to go back to his place was that he wanted to spend more time with me.  Flattering?  Absolutely.  However, if he really wanted to spend more time with me – we could have gone somewhere else for a part 2 of the date (bowling, shooting pool, listen to music somewhere).  His true intention was not to spend more time with me in the same way as I would expect after 2 dates.  Thanks to birth of “Netflix and Chill” we don’t have to wonder about the intentions behind these types of invitations.

In relationships – I live by the rule of say what you mean and mean what you say.  If you have both agreed that you want to take things slow and get to know each other; then this is exactly how it will go because you are on the same page.  If someone wants you to be “their girl” they will do everything in their power to make sure you are.  If someone tells you they love you then you will feel loved every day by that person.  You have to know your worth and what you expect from your relationships before actually getting into them.  Know the intentions behind the words you say.  Set your boundaries and be clear about them so that if someone is not treating you in a manner that you are comfortable with – the choice to walk away from the situation is easy.

Remember, you are a unique.  There is no one else like you.  You deserve to be in a happy, healthy, loving relationship with someone who values you for all the qualities you possess.  YOU decide how you will allow yourself to be treated.  Know your worth.  Live your truth.  Love the person you are because you’ve fought like hell to become you.